We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
