I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
