Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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