I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
