Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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