Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
