So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
