so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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