FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize