First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
