my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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