dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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