And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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