so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
