she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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