you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
