weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do herpes really smell.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
