it's too hot outside to masturbate.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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