i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize