so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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