Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
