Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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