im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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