the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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