so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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