he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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