so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
