someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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