dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
