help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
