What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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