I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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