I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
