If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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