Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
