he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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