Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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