This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
