she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
