My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
