Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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