and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
