used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
