I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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