He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
