He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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