doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
