You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
