Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
