Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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