UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
