Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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