driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
