We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
