this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
