recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
