If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
