It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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