Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
