My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
pray to the hookup gods
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
