Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
