hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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