Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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