How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
