Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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