I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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