your parents love me but you hate me
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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