Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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