i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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