im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
