Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Everything about him screamed your future.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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