saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
