Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
