we have pet lesbian snakes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
