The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
