I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
