He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
