You smell like stripper and shame
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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