i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
