I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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