yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
